Boiling

I have never meet any one person who made my blood boil more that me ex- mother in law. I say ex just to distance my self from her- she is my first husbands mother and she’s COMPLETLY CRAZY. I mean in a sereous way, there is not one sane thing about that woman. She is kiniving, manipulative and self centered, she believes there is no life or world outside her circle and rejects the very thought of it’s existence. When my first husband was alive he loved her but only tolorated her. I don’t really know all the details but she was mean, cruil and down right nasty to him more often than not- through out his whole life. So back story: the day he died she kept repeating “it’s ok Spence, go to the light, go to the bright light, Case, it’s ok just move toward it”. I think I heard that phrase at least 5 hundred times that day. Near the evening she said it yet again and I lost it. I told her “he’ll go when he damn well pleases, he doesn’t need directions or permiss ion to die, just let him be. ” She yelled at me, I told her her voice was annoying, and I began to back her out the door. I’m pretty sure I shut the door in her face, I didn’t back down, I didn’t give her any wiggle room. She needed to go take some time and cool down. All the while She was still yelling about how aweful I was that I was forcing her to leave her son on his death bed. I did ask her to leave, she was talking and it was annoying, I just wanted some peace in his room. So she over reacted and actually left the hospital. I did leave the hospital at 10 that night, went home got a shower and crawled into bed. The nurse called me to let him know that his heart rate had reached 180 and was have arrhythmia and his temp was nearing 106- all signs that his brain stem was about to herniate- drop through the base of his skull and stop all body activity (bodily death). So I calmly got dressed and drove the speed limit all 32 miles to the hospital. I knew it was the last time I would drive there and the last time I would see him alive. So I walked into the room and the staff told me they were going to move him so we all could be with him as he passed (I thought yeah right he wont make it) Casey’s dad leaned over to him and told him I was there and almost imeadietly his heart rate began to drop. I did not know where his mom was so I had his best friend call her to let her know he was about ready to go- his heart rate was hovering around 60. He died about 15 minites after I got there- how sweet. His mom eventually did come, about30- 45 minuted after he passed. She came waltzing down the hall with his carved cane in hand, read him a buddist passege about how to find the ‘right’ lite and left just like she came in- smearking and looking straight forward. That is the last time I saw her and the last time I talked to her. So she called today. After all the crap that has been happening to our home the past three weeks (or lack ther of for that matter), I was hot. I could feel my heart thumping outside my chest and through my throat. All I kept repeating was, “Please don’t leave me a messege,  please don’t leave me a messege”, I didn’t know what I was going to do if she did! So she didn’t and I’m glad. I can’t even begin to know what is happening in that womans mind- it scarres me! There are very few moments that I contimplate letting her back in. I look as my kids and remeber why I shut that door… and why I never want to open it again. When the time comes and the older kids ask about their birth Dad’s family I will tell them the truth as I lived it. They can make their own desisions when they are moved out and responsable for the reprocussions that it may bring about. In the mean time I will protect them no matter what the cost.