The end.
October 10, 2008
I feel sick. My joints hurt, and they are hot. I have a head ache and a back ache. I always reel back into myself, like nothing or now one else igsists. I always think about things that are hidden deep inside. A part of me is in constant agony over casey’s death. Right now I want to cry so hard my brain hurts. I walked down the hall with my nite gown on and felt an incredible seance of emptiness. I am all alone. I don’t think I will every have another baby every again. It is sad to me. I have three of the brightest most wonderful kids on the face of the earth and I don’t think I will ever have another one. I will be forever alone in my skin. I will never feel a baby kick or roll or have the hiccups. I hate making big decisions. I hate not knowing the consiquence of my decisions. I hate not knowing the future. I don’t like what we have done to ourselves, I don’t like to hurt. The end.
